Jeremy Corbyn is a Care Bear politician. He’s a genuine, caring guy who cares about his members. He’s got no time for spin because he cares so much – he even read out your e-mails in PMQs to show how much he cares.
Well, as much as it hurts me to tell you, we’ve been lied to – it’s all just spin.
On Tuesday, Corbyn used his speech at the Labour conference to call for a new era of politics, a “kinder”, more “democratic” future in which Labour will eschew austerity, war and “rudeness”.
It was all so sexy, wouldn’t you agree?
In fact I was ready to give it all up, jump on my bike and head to Islington North where Jeremy and I would share many organic, vegan, locally-sourced vegetable juices – served, of course, in a recyclable cup!
But, alas, my heart has been broken – as I was wrapped snugly in the tender warmth of post-conference bliss, Jeremy admitted he had faked it.
It turns out that the the long, straight, thick tie Corbyn used to seduce me wasn’t his – it was his mate’s!
I feel so used. It all started out so well: He gave me a smile, told me a few jokes, talked to me like a human being and even showed me his utopian vision. But his gorgeous equipment wasn’t his own.
And it all happened so fast. As I was innocently picking up the items of clothing I’d thrown off in progressive ecstasy, Jeremy was boasting to his mates that his knot “came from a friend” because someone on his team “didn’t like the colour of the tie I was suggesting.”
Well, Jeremy, you may have tempted me once with that big, swinging red thing of yours – but never again!
Don’t let him fool any more of you – Corbyn isn’t a Casanova, he’s a brand. He was even pictured arriving at the Labour conference in a car!
And as for all those snaps of him in rolled up socks and a hard, bulging helmet? Sadly all for show…
Image Credit – Jeremy Corbyn at Labour Conference, September 2015 by Labour
